Once Upon A Dream

Meh...it's kind of bland and unexpressive. Put more detail and emotion into it. And be more creative. Cutting/bleeding/dying-in those exact words, anyway-are getting overused in poetry. I did like the

My alarm clock woke me this morning With its infernal, hated pounding in my mind, I huddled beneath my thick blankets Trying to gather the pieces of a beautiful dream ...

Interesting idea...someone making a disgusting habit somehow attractive to someone else. I liked it, good language use. One correction I would make: that filthy habit that disgusting routine I wouldn'

I like this! I have a bunch of poems like this as well, so I understand the reason behind the short, simple verse. Clean, clear emotion, simple but deep and ...

I was confused and found the whole thing jumbled, especially the middle stanza. I think this needs to be developed more.

I liked this a lot. Interestingly written. I think I would have ignored the 'suddenly' part if you hadn't pointed it out, but since I did notice it, here's my ...

There’s too much drama these days Too much drama and too much nothing Empty days and hollow weeks Make for useless years When you know what you want But you ...

Memories abound In every crevice and under every rock In the trickle of the water and the setting of the sun, This October twilight The most nostalgic time of day, ...

I've been doing Tae Kwon Do for over six years, and I also teach it. I have a second degree black belt, and I'm learning some sword forms at this ...

As it is, the reader doesn't feel bad for you. This is more like a story being told emotionlessly. Also, don't TELL us this is your nightmare, show us. Rather ...

I agree about the repetiton, but that aside, this is a great piece. Good use of langauge, good emotion, good descriptions. Nice work!

Hmmmm, VERY interesting piece. I like it a lot. The first time I read it, I was like, "eh," but then I read it again and that time I really ...

I agree that the emotions in this piece seemed flat and bland. We're all familar with that numbness when something bad has happened, but it doesn't quite translate into evoking ...

We forgot that we were surrounded by asphalt By stone and by wicked gray steel Great line, that was my favorite. Awesome description. Overall I liked the feeling that this ...

Okay, it's taken me a while, and a couple sessions at this, to come up with these revisions. Let me know what you think. Lead me into a curtained off ...